Part 225: Chapter the Eleventh: A press conference with the greatest coach in the world.

Chapter the Eleventh: A press conference with the greatest coach in the world.
April 17, 2028-May 13, 2028

The only club to ever win seven competitions in a single season is Linfield of Northern Ireland. They accomplished this in 1921-1922 and 1961-1962. The first septuple included the Irish League, Irish Cup, County Antrim Shield, City Cup, Gold Cup, Belfast Charity Cup, and Alhambra Cup. The second replaced the Charity and Alhambra Cups with the Ulster and North-South Cups. Suffice to say that these were not events involving the highest levels of competition. As such I feel perfectly justified stating that should we complete the triple we surpass Linfield for most trophies in a single season thanks to our victory in the Mini-Cwp.



Bastable may be 32 years old, but he's aging gracefully and has 31 goals this season. That includes 12 in the Champions League, three better than the next closest player.



The Gunners are in deep trouble after losing in North London. It will take something special for them to come back from a three away goal deficit.

At Real Madrid, April 19, 2028
Champions League, Semifinal Away Tie


I'm nervous about this match. I think it's PTSD from the Manchester United smackdown, where we looked flat and our opponent took every advantage of us. I'm hoping we can at least manage a draw and score an away goal, but while I'm in my standard confident pose in front of the players I'm secretly worried we'll lose 4-0 and all of northern Wales will awake from the dream of the triple double and the septuple.

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Minami, Reed, Tounkara, Hammatt, Loseille, Laux, Shirra, Moctezuma, Stringel, Mujkic (c), Thiago.
Subs: Kocsis, Quiboulaz, Bailey, Zouaghi, Allan, Damgaard, Rickard.

Matthias Laux is the man of the hour in the 12th minute, dispelling my fears with Moctezuma providing the assist. The rest of the match is a stalemate of a match, as neither side can break down the other. We can't defend for a full eighty minutes, and we see our lead slip away when El Compadrito lands the late equalizer on a corner kick that seemingly every one of our defenders whiff on. Our probability of scoring a second goal founders on Thiago's inability to take his chances, and after the equalizer he finds himself removed for Rickard. Madrid gives us an opening when their right back sent off for a second yellow card in the 82nd minute, and I certainly try to steal a late winner against ten men, but we can't nail it down and have to settle for a draw and an away goal.




Real Madrid 1-1 Wrexham



Another painkilling shot won't keep Mujkic on the pitch. We'll have to finish the season without our captain and greatest legend, who has been with the club since we plucked him from the Australian Institute of Sport thirteen years ago.



AJ_Impy didn't embezzle enough at his last club to keep his new one running.



It would be a nice coda to Bailey's career for him to finally get capped, but I've been fooled before by this message.



Back those words up with action, Johnny Q.

vs Leeds United, April 22, 2028
Premier League


If we're to win the septuple I want it to be on my terms. I said I was bringing the Pyramid back, and I'm not going to abandon it despite a knife-thin lead on Manchester United. James Loseille is taking Mujkic's spot on the left, it's time to see if all that practice at playing further up the pitch pays off, while Damgaard plays out right and keeps Moctezuma hale for the Real Madrid match.

Starting Formation: The Pyramid
Starting 11: Minami, Tounkara, Quiboulaz, Zouaghi, Allan, Bailey (c), Damgaard, Stringel, Rickard, Thiago, Loseille.
Subs: Kocsis, Reed, Lewis, Bouzid, Moctezuma, Hubert, Yilmaz.

A Bailey corner kick gives us a second minute goal with Quiboulaz scoring off the underside of the crossbar. Johnny Q gives the goal back ten minutes later as Leeds equalizes, and then we let Leed score again 28th minute. Despite the Peacocks having 28% possession and two shots they're winning two-one. My pep talk gets mildly less vicious thanks to Allan leveling the score right as we go into halftime, and the second half sees a better display from our squad. A second corner kick goal makes it 3-2 Wrexham with 27 minutes left to play, then Thiago marks the occasion with his first league goal since March to give us the prized two goal lead. Quiboulaz caps the comeback with an unlikely hat trick on Justin Bailey's third assist of the day. Leeds may have scored on their two shots of the day, but it's all they had for the entire match.

Man of the Match: Jonathan Quiboulaz




Wrexham 5-2 Leeds




You got out just in the nick of time, AJ_Impy.



Shahed Parr isn't going down with the ship, either. The minute Reading were eliminated in a 6-1 lambasting at the hands of Brentford he forced his way into the managers office and demanded onto the transfer list.



An own goal by Manchester's Dolapo Taiwo has brought doom upon his team's title aspirations. We can now afford to lose one of our two final matches thanks to our large goal differential lead. United must win all three of their remaining matches to have any chance of catching us.

vs Real Madrid, April 25, 2028
Champions League, Semifinal Home Tie


I feel much, much better about our chances of reaching the final thanks to that 1-1 draw in the away leg. We also don't have to face Rodrigo “El Compadrito” Taborda again due to a suspension he incurred after picking up a yellow card in Madrid. My confidence is not perfect, I'd like if Meteor was starting the match instead of Damgaard, but what can you do?

Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Minami (c), Reed, Hammatt, Laux, Loseille, Zouaghi, Shirra, Moctezuma, Bouzid, Damgaard, Stringel.
Subs: Kocsis, Quiboulaz, Tounkara, Marquez, Allan, Rickard, Thiago.

We launch ourselves like ravening wolves at the Spaniards from the opening whistle. Damgaard scrambles forward in the opening minute and puts a great cross in for Bouzid, who can't get it on target. Bouzid can't get a second chance on target in the third minute, but he's carving the defense open time and again. It's not all Wrexham, though, and Bram Aarts puts the crowd's hearts in their throat when he scores in the 10th minute, but he left way, way too early and it counts for nothing. That leaves the scoring to be opened by #10 Isaac Stringel, who may have been a touch offside himself:



Stringel adds a second in the 33rd minute from an impossible angle, and we're an hour from our third straight Champions League final. Shirra won't be on the pitch to see our victory if we win, though, going down in the 38th minute after a collision with Madrid's 19 year old left back, who is playing only due to injuries and suspensions to his own teams senior fullback corps.

The second half sees Stringel further justify his status as most valuable player in the world, leaving the Madridista's wailing at their televisions in Spain with his hat trick on a corner kick. Madrid has 27 minutes and 11 seconds to score three times. Two minutes later String earns a penalty after being barged in the back, and Laux's conversion sets off a downpour of televisions onto the streets of the Spanish capital. What fan would want to watch another 25 minutes of that travesty anyways, the men of Madrid mutter as they lean out their windows looking at the ruined electronics lining the sidewalks.

Man of the Match: Isaac Stringel




Wrexham (5 ) 4-0 (1) Real Madrid



The Golden Boy and the Meteor are both out for the rest of the season according to our medical staff. The only healthy player who has been with us since the lower league days is the ageless Justin Bailey.



Wait a second. Isn't Millennium Stadium in Cardiff? We're going to be playing the Champions League final in Wales!



Arsenal are swept away in a businesslike fashion by Juve. The Italian club is having an amazing season, walking Serie A and sitting on 91 points with a chance to finish at an even 100. They'll complete a double if they beat us on May 20th.



Relegation is fully sorted before May begins, leaving the clubs just above the line breathing easily as we enter the final week. The only drama will be whether Southampton can overtake Chelsea on the final day for the fourth Champions League spot; they go into the final day needing a win against Leeds and a Chelsea loss or draw to Nottingham Forest.

vs Huddersfield Town, April 30, 2028
Premier League


A win and we take the league. Huddersfield denied us goals in our first match against them, one of four clubs to keep us from putting the ball in the net this season. I will take what is ours by force from these thrice damned Yorkies.

Starting Formation: The Pyramid
Starting 11: Minami, Tounkara, Quiboulaz, Bailey (c), Allan, Laux, Moctezuma, Stringel, Rickard, Thiago, Damgaard.
Subs: Kocsis, Loseille, Quiboulaz, Zouaghi, Bouzid, Hubert, Yilmaz.

No Yorkish force was slaughtered such since the Battle of Bosworth Field. Things go pear shaped for Huddersfield in the second minute, when Thiago forces a leaping save that sets up a corner. The ageless Bailey will forever be capable of delivering perfect balls to the near post, which Ed Hammatt skillfully flicks on to an unmarked Tounkara at the far post. Moctezuma follows by sending a great ball in from the right side that Thiago reaches in the air and nails into the upper 90 of the near post. Ellis Rickard follows at nine minutes by volleying in a cross from Damgaard, and we're up three-nil while some laggards are still purchasing pies at the concessions. How's that Welsh steel taste, English?

Hammatt scores ten minutes after that, from another corner, and the question is no longer whether we will win, but by how much. Rickard scores again at thirty-three minutes. We don't score again until after Huddersfield's right back goes in hard on Isaac Stringel in frustration and sees red. Thiago scores a second goal then, and finishes the obliteration in the 87th minute with his hat trick. We win the league for the third straight time in front of our fans and after one of the most masterful displays of footballing that the world has seen in decades. Of our eleven players only Koji Minami and Matthias Laux do not find goal or earn an assist. That is the power of the Pyramid, and long may it reign.

Man of the Match: Thiago.




Wrexham 7-0 Huddersfield



Despite losing half the season to injury Thiago has still scored 17 goals in league play, good for 7th on the leaderboard.



We haven't technically clinched, but with us up six points on Manchester United they'd have to win their last two matches by an aggregate thirty-nil score to overcome us. I'll hold off on the champagne and awards ceremony until it's official, though.



Bale returns to action on May 4th, he may be able to play a role in either the FA Cup or Champions League final as a substitute. I wouldn't want to play him for a full game, he's got no match fitness right now.



Better is the news that Meteor has somehow willed himself to fitness two weeks earlier than expected. He will definitely be available for our trophy tilts.



If you back up your words the way Quiboulaz did I have no doubt that we'll win our final match.



Speaking of Johnny Q, did someone on the club rob a mummy's tomb last summer? We've had so, so many injuries this season, but this is one of the first to our back line.

At Brentford, May 7, 2028
Premier League


Bon voyage, 2027-2028. You will be forever remembered as the year that the Pyramid reconquered England.

Starting Formation: The Pyramid
Starting 11: Minami, Tounkara, Hammatt, Bailey (c), Allan, Laux, Moctezuma, Stringel, Rickard, Thiago, Damgaard.
Subs: Kocsis, Reed, Loseille, Zouaghi, Bouzid, Hubert, Yilmaz.

Brentford are not Huddersfield, and prove they won't be pushovers by scoring on a 25 yard strike that catches Minami flat-footed. We keep spurning chances to equalize, and have nothing to show for six clear cut chances as we approach the final minute of play while our opposition have taken three shots and have two goals to show for it. Rickard finally gets us on the board seconds before the first forty-five minutes are through, but the players still get read the riot act in the locker for their lazy and profligate play.

The sixty-fifth minute sees Justin Bailey make an incisive pass to Stringel at the edge of the box, and the Mexican superstar breaks for the byline, creating enough separation with his marker to put a ball into the near post where Rickard has outmaneuvered his own defender and can smoothly deliver the equalizer. We don't score again, though, and let our fans down with a draw in the final match of the season. I berate the players for their fecklessness prior to the awarding of the trophy. We cannot play so poorly when so much more will be at stake these next two weeks.

Man of the Match: Ellis Rickard




Brentford 2-2 Wrexham




Five down, two to go.




I was claiming that Arsenal and Manchester United would find no joy come the end of the season as far back as September and never faltered even when we were in sixth place. To say I never doubted our triumph understates my confidence considerably.



2028 marks the first time in a decade that one of City, United, Arsenal, or Chelsea finished outside of the top five, and is the first time since 2015 that one of them failed to place in a continental qualification spot.




Enjoy your awards, and third place.




It's not like we don't have honors of our own.



And let's be honest, if a manager won the league while using the 2-3-5 in a third of his matches we know that he would be feted as the greatest footballing mind of all time.



Though I do find cold amusing in the media falling over themselves to fete an Arsenal squad that finished exactly as predicted before the season, and which could never have returned the Pyramid to glory.



The national team selections are coming out for the 2028 Euro Championship, and Bailey wasn't included in the England team. This is the third time he's been left out in the cold after having widely been predicted to be selected for a major tournament.



You can have them on May 21st, you jackals, and not a moment earlier. I will go Liam Neesons in Taken on your ass if you don't listen to me.

Pre-Match Press Conference
Wembley Stadium, May 12, 2028

(THE COACH stands behind a podium, as cameras flutter and tape recorders click on)

: While I know y'all have plenty of questions in the run up to this match, I'm going to ask that you address them to the man who taught me more than anyone else ever could about being a head coach of a sports team, and the only person in the world I consider to be not just my equal but my better.

(THE GRUMBLELORD cometh)



: Thank you, Coach Brown. That means a lot to me coming from you. First question?



: (To THE COACH)Are you planning on any changes to your first team lineup before this Cup showdown?

(THE COACH wags his finger at Watkin and points to THE GRUMBLELORD)

: (Hesitantly, to THE GRUMBLELORD) Uh... Will there be any changes to the lineup?

: “We have 23 men on the practice field. They're all supposed to be ready to play.”

: That's... not really an answer.

: Yes it is.



: This game will be one of the biggest of the season and Wrexham supporters will be watching with high expectations. Is that nervewracking?

: “I think you have that anxiety going into the game and when the ball is kicked off then you’re just in game mode. All the things you think about of what could happen and what you want to call, what you want to do, what situations might come up, once that opening kickoff happens then you’re playing the game or coaching the game, whatever you’re doing, whatever your role is.”



: Does that added pressure, given what's at stake, affect your preperations?

: “As a coach, you want to try to put your team in the best position you can so they can be competitive. As players, it’s the same thing. It’s like when you talk to the Navy SEALs and those guys about when they go on a mission, how they talk about, ‘Alright, so we get there and we practiced going over a six-foot wall and the wall is 30-feet high.’ Well, that’s the way it is in football. You practice for whatever – you think you’re going to swim across a 200-yard lake and the lake is 800 yards across. You have to get across it. You get in a football game and think you’re going to get this and then you get that.”

: And how do you think that pressure is affecting Tackleford?

: “I'm not really worried about the other team.”



: Jonathan Quiboulaz will be out due to an injury sustained in training. How will that affect your plans?

: “Every time that happens, it's an opportunity for the next person ... It's tough to lose those guys. Unfortunately, it's part of the game.”

: So... how does that change your plans?

: “There is an old saying about the strength of the wolf is the pack, and I think there is a lot of truth to that. On a football team, it's not the strength of the individual players, but it is the strength of the unit and how they all function together.”

: What about the status of Scott Shirra, who is still on the injury report but who has been seen on the practice pitch this week?

: “That’s a question you’d have to ask him. But as far as every one of our players goes, we’ll do the same thing that we do every week... We’ll go out and we’ll practice today and based on how things go today and where those players are, then we’ll list them on the injury report, the same way we do it every week. That’s the same for every player. That’s the way it is.”

: Does Scott Shirra have a legitimate chance to play on Sunday?

: “I just answered that question.”

: So he does have a shot to play on Sunday?

: “We’ll list every player based on what their condition and situation is at the end of Friday’s practice. We’ll do the same thing every week. Based on what we know at that point in time, that’s how we’ll list them. That’s what we’re going to do today.”

: So you haven’t decided yet?

: “We haven't practiced yet.”





: Wrexham has scored 193 goals this season and has brought back the Pyramid. Are you worried that might give Tackleford a chance to score on the counter attack?

: “You can play hard. You can play aggressive. You can give 120%, but if one guy is out of position then someone's running through the line.”





: Everyone knows that there used to be bad blood between Tackleford and Wrexham, but you haven't played each other in nearly a decade. Do you think that will affect your players despite being so long ago?

: “I think each week regardless of the game... we focus on ourselves and we do what we have to do regardless of the opponent. We don't really pay attention too much to the stuff that goes on outside of this stadium and outside of this locker room. We are very tight knit. On Saturdays... it's going to be more about us, less about who we play. It's going to be about us and how we execute.”

: Last question.



: You come face to face with your old side tomorrow. Are you excited at the chance to put one over on them?

: I'll let Scott take that one, actually.





The finals will be in liveblog form, the FA Cup at 2pm EST tomorrow and the Champions League 2pm EST on Friday. By 5pm on Friday we'll know if I've engineered the most successful season in football history.